Against the Grain

There seems to be a lot of stigma attached to a “stay at home mom”. I’ve even experienced it first hand in my very short 10 months of being a stay at home mom myself. I’ve heard things like: “I bet you can’t wait to get back to work!” “You should be out working until you have at least 2 kids.” “You should consider daycare, it would be good for your son and for you to gain back a little freedom.” “Women need to contribute to society in the work force.” Little do these women know, I never really had a normal job to begin with. I’m sure if they knew what I did they wouldn’t be talking about my choice to be a stay at home mom, there would be a whole other debate going on, but we’ll save that debate for another post. The main thought seems to be that once a woman has kids and makes the decision to stay home her life, career, and usefulness to society is over. It takes a lot of self-control not to laugh when I hear someone repeat those words, even though I used to struggle with those thoughts myself.

It’s so easy to wallow in self-pity and selfishness when motherhood requires so much sacrifice. For me the early days of motherhood consisted of sleep, feeding the baby, playtime, sleep, feeding, and well you get the picture. And trust me when I say, despite what pregnancy and baby books had to say, bath time with a newborn is really not that fun, every day is not going to be filled with giggles and smiles, changing the diaper of a squirming crying baby is not as easy as 1,2,3, and breastfeeding is not always a “beautiful, relaxing, bonding experience.” When my husband arrived home at the end of the day I would talk straight for over an hour (about the baby mostly), because he was the first adult I had talked to all day. As for time to myself, I always ended up sleeping instead of showering or catching up on some reading. I’ll be honest with you, there were days that I dreamed about having a “regular” life again. There were even times I believed the lie that my life was over now that I was a stay at home mom. Yet even through all those long days, I would never want change how my life is.

Women are designed to be mothers both physically and emotionally, and yes I know there are some feminists out there that would argue this statement but that doesn’t make it any less true. I view my opportunity to stay at home and raise my son not as a sacrifice anymore but as a gift. Along with my husband who is called to support and protect us, I am called to nurture, teach, and raise our son to be a strong man of God. A man who will one day contribute to society as a person with strong christian values and morals. I have been entrusted with the job to raise a child who will one day be a husband and a father. What job could be more important than that?

Those are the reasons I choose to stay at home and I will not be apologetic for it. That’s my story and I assure you that I am not judging anyone else’s choices for their family. I know my choice doesn’t make me a perfect parent, and I know I am far from it and have a lot of learning to do, but personally I cannot do what is best for my family if I work outside the home or if I allow someone else to raise my child part-time. With all that has been said, I know I am extremely blessed that God has provided me with a strong marriage, an amazing husband and father for our beautiful son, and the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. And though this article has focused mainly on mothers I firmly believe that fathers have just as big of a role to play in their children’s lives, but usually in a different way.

I know Mark Driscoll can be controversial to some but I really appreciated how Grace Driscoll explains motherhood in the following video. She says “It’s an honor to be a mom and raise the next generation, it’s a huge responsibility. To just toss that aside like it can be done by anyone is a selfish view. Our children need us as mothers.” Also, despite what the they have to say in regards to stay at home dads, I’m not against it in all circumstances.